You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
