I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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