3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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