Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
