So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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