Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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