She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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