Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
