I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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