First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
