all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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