i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
