Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
