Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize