sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
