Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I still have a little drunk in my system
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
