The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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