One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
