I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize