I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
