nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
