well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
