yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize