Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
