nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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