she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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