when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
