Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
