Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
