I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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