I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
