You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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