Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
