Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
