seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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