party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
