Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
