omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
