Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
so much tequila, so little girl.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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