You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dick very happy bro
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
