I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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