forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
