drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
