Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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