Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
