So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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