Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
