I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
