I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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