Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
