You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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