Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
