well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize