Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
