Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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