It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Can Purell be used as lube?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
