I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
