i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
