You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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