remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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