just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
