I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
