Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
