the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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