went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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