i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
