i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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