even my farts smell like vagina
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
