and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
worst night to have a conscience
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize