y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
