Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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