You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize