I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
