today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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