Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
