I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
is it fun? or sober?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize