This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
