dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
