It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
