I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
