Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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