I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
