Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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