Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
