Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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