I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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