he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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