but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
