you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
