Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
