Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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