Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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