What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
