you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
