What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize