I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
