Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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