no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
