ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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