My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Randomize
