It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I need moral support for this bender
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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