I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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