I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
