areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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