it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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