I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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