Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize